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There was a moment, not long ago, when it seemed allthe moms on InstagramwereBeachwaver-styled monuments to unattainability.
Deena Margolin and Kristin Gallant, co-founders of Big Little Feelings
Suddenly moms were completely overwhelmedand they were alone.
Enter Kristin Gallant and Deena Margolin.
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In the first weeks of lockdown, they went from complete obscurity to tens of thousands of followers.
Today they have over 3 million as well as 200,000+ clients for their courses.
Thats the vibe, in the BLF universe.
Three million friends, no dress code, no judgment, no ego.
Just kindness and science (Margolins area of specialty is interpersonal neurobiology).
What were you like in your teen BFF stage?
Deena Margolin:We couldnt have been more different.
We grew up in Los Angeles and went to this very intense, academically rigorous high school.
I was the good girl.
Im in the front row raising my hand
Kristin Gallant:And Im in detention.
But with each other we could really be ourselves.
Deena:It was kind of likeOkay, you get it.
Youre not judging it, and youre safe.
Which is huge at that age, especially.
What sorts of issues were you working through?
There wasn’t a whole lot of, Lets go to therapy!
It was very tumultuous.
Deena:At my house, things were volatile.
Unhappy, full of resentmentthat was the atmosphere.
I went into my first depression where one day I was like, You know what?
So I made a [suicide] plan.
I set it up; I had everything ready.
I dont know why, but that was the one thing that kept me from doing it.
Thats been my lifes mission since I was 16.
And compassion for yourself as youre doing that is so huge.
Kristin:Its the number one thing I want parents to take from our page.
If its your instinct to go, Stop crying.
If youre repeating it, you shouldnt feel like, Oh no, Im fucking up my kid.
you’re able to always work on just replacing one little phrase with something a little healthier.
Kristin:The genesis was a real need.
I was a stay-at-home mom at the time.
I had a three-year-old and a one-year-old, and with postpartum anxiety, you spiral about everything.
I would text Deena.
We saw these gaps and how we could bridge them.
How do I get them to leave the park?
What do I do about screen time?
At the time, it was selfies with ring lights and blowouts and perfect little activities.
And I felt like shit because I couldnt get myself to do an activity!
Let me tell you a crazy story.
We went awayKristin left the kidsand for three straight days we were in this house, brainstorming.
And then in March of 2020 we did our first post.
We had no followers.
Our dream was 50,000 followers in five years.
And then it just started to spread.
My husband still keeps this spreadsheet of our followers week to week, even now.
Deena:I think during the pandemic especially, people wanted this community.
And then the celebs started jumping on.
Did they all come in at once?
Did you one day get a notification thats like, Holy shit, Blake Lively?
Kristin:We actually dont get the notifications, so somebody has to tell us.
Usually its my husband, because hes obsessive.
I hope whoever his favorite star isthey just show up one day.
Kristin:It happened!
My husband was very excited.
He was plotting out his lunches with him in Los Angeles.
I was like, I dont think its that deep, but I love that you love this.
Theres been a lot of conversation in the past several years about the emotional labor of parenting.
How its a real job.
And yet, theres still this idea that parentswomen, especiallyshould just know how to do it, innately.
That if you have to get advice from people like you guys, youre already failing.
Kristin:I think some of it comes from guilt, unfortunately.
If it wasnt so closely linked with our constant mom guilt, it would be a no-brainer.
You would never expect yourself to learn any other new skill without reading and research.
You would never expect yourself to be perfect right away.
But we dont have that kind of flexibility when it comes to parenting.
The guilt debilitates us.
Deena:Sorry, Im being my super-nerdy self, but what Kristin is describingits all built-in neural pathways.
Its hard work, and youre not going to get it right all the time.
Thats why you have to celebrate the tiny steps of progress and not aim for perfection.
Kristin:I love it when you talk brain.
Deena:We are the first generation to apologize to our kids.
When you go back and you say to your kid, Hey, Im so sorry I was frustrated.
That is an incredible thing.
For example, my older sister became a lawyer.
She never should have been a lawyer.
She gave it up because the economy went the way it did.
It doesnt have to follow an exact path, and it doesnt have to follow money.
I want you to be you.
