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Havent they been through enough?
On Tuesday I had that same experience, the feeling of sadness mixed with horror and disgust.
But the book I was reading wasBritney Spearss memoir.
Ive been taking it a day at a time and trying to be thankful for the little things.
J. Emilio Flores/Getty Images
For so long the public has been fed one story of Spears.
When she first came on the scene, we were told she was a virginal, fun-loving teenager.
), and her joy and zest for life was infectious.
This image, it seems, was a lie, one that made me feel sadder than I expected.
From a young age Spears felt dual longings to both hide and be seen.
With my family, anything could go wrong at any time, she writes.
I had no power there.
Only while performing, I was invincible.
But her path has few bright spots.
For Spears, every moment of happiness leads to a moment of sorrow.
She made her first, self-titled album her way but immediately faced backlash from critics.
She writes that it wasnt losing just Timberlake.
His family, she says, was the only loving, accepting family she had experienced to that point.
Its insane how much I loved him, and for me it was unfortunate, she says simply.
Spearss mental health got worse and worse.
It seems she was incredibly depressed and had few people she could rely on.
It wasnt about lust, it was intimate, she writes.
He would hold me as long as I wanted to be held.
Had anyone in my life ever done that before?
If so, I couldn’t remember when.
And as we all know, things only got worse!
Losing her husband drove Spears into a deep depression that, ultimately, led to her well-publicized 2007 meltdown.
It somehow gets even worse.
I dont need to rehash herewe all know the story.
I became a robot…a sort of child-robot, she writes.
But she does have that opportunity now.
But theres little lightness here.
For Spears, a happy ending means small things, like learning how to find happiness again.
I know what makes me happy and brings me joy, she writes in the books final pages.
I have a go at meditate on those places and thoughts that enable me to experience it.
And who could blame her?
Hasnt she been through enough?
Theres been a lot of speculation about how Im doing, she writes.
I know my fans care.
I am free now.
Im just being myself and trying to heal.
Stephanie McNeal is a senior editor atGlamourand the authorofSwipe Up for More!
Inside the Unfiltered Lives of Influencers.
