It was 2018 when Ilast interviewedBrittany Cartwright.
It was a fun time in my life, Cartwright tells me now, nearly seven years later.
I mean, things werent always perfect, but it was a very good time.
Elizabeth Weinberg
I was very optimistic and hopeful for the future.
I honestly thought me and Jax would be together forever back then.
For a while, it appeared possible.
Elizabeth Weinberg
The space, physically and mentally, from SUR was positive too, for the most part.
Its not like the relationship was ever perfect, Cartwright says.
Its justobviously, the best time in your life is whenever you have your kids.
Elizabeth Weinberg
Things were good for a while.
By the finale, Cartwright had moved into a rental and separated from Taylor.
The separation was good for Cartwright, she tells me.Reallygood.
Elizabeth Weinberg
I was like, Wow, this is peace, she says.
Meanwhile, she says Taylor was pretty much spiraling out of control.
He went berserk, she says, to the point that she considered calling the police.
Taylor entered rehab for cocaine and alcohol addiction, before returning for a second stint later that year.
Viewers will see all thisand more, of coursein season two ofThe Valley.
But naturally, Cartwright is anxious about seeing such a negative period of her life play out onscreen again.
I am worried about it, she says.
Its always hard to relive what you went through months ago, but its all been very public already.
Our separation was public.
Our divorce filing is public.
These podcasts are public.
People are really going to get to see a look into what Ive had to deal with.
Here, Cartwright opens up withGlamourabout how she got to that place and whats still to come.
Glamour:I want to go back to when I last interviewed you.
It was December 20, 2018.
How do you feel now, looking back at that period of your life?
Brittany Cartwright:I was engaged, I was excited to get married.
I thought our marriage was going to be forever.
Of course you dont marry somebody thinking that its not going to work.
But Ive changed so much in many different ways.
I knew that he needed to have a happy mom.
And things had gotten so bad, I was like,Ive got to do this.
Mama Bear has to come out, and I have to do whats right for him.
I didnt really confront a lot of what was going on in our relationship.
I ignored a lot of things because I was in love.
I had a family, and I didnt want to break that up.
It just didnt happen for so many years.
Finally, I had enough.
It wasnt just one single thing.
It was a lot of different times that had piled up over the years.
Jax had stayed out all night, so he slept in the guest room.
He comes in my room at like 8 a.m.
So that day, me and Cruz went and stayed at the first rental house.
So having that space and stepping away gave you more perspective?
It was like a veil was lifted.
We had a lot of fun in our relationship; it wasnt all bad stuff.
I started breaking out in hives all the time, and I was sick a lot.
It wasnt easy by any means.
I was still in love with him at the time, but I knew I had to leave.
Ill never regret that decision now.
Theres no going back.
I was not myself.
I always say, I was losing my sparkle.
Ive been trying to work on getting that back.
Those early days, what was your support system?
Oh my gosh, my family, my friends.
I had support from everybody, literally everybody.
I think a lot of my family and my friends saw how he treated me.
He wanted to put on a front on Instagram and social media and stuff like thatthat things were perfect.
Thats what everybody does.
Youre not going to show all your bad stuff.
When people would say things like, You got to protect yourself, what would your response be?
I was always like, I know, I know, I know.
It just took me time to do it for myself, because it was just so hard.
Its hard to leave.
Especially when you have a child.
People give me hate and shame about that all the time.
Theyre always like, You knew.
We all knew that he was not good for you.
We all knew that watching the show.
And Im like, You guys dont understand what its like.
It can be very hard to get away.
I think theres a lot of nuance missed when critics say, You knew what he was like.
So, theres this belief that hes capable of change….
I would always believe that he would change.
And it just never happened.
Im glad that hes trying to get better, but its way too little too late for me.
What do you think is motivating the change now?
That I put my foot down.
I was like, You have to go to rehab.
I got people involved.
I think he was worried about losing his son, of course.
I think he was worried about losing his job.
I think he was worried about all of those things combined.
Im grateful that hes sober.
I hope that he truly is, but I dont know if Jax Taylor will actually change.
I feel like Im starting to get over the hump.
It has been over a year now, but I rule the roost.
Jax knows that he has to do the right things because of everything that hes put me through.
Its hard to explain, really, but I dont let shit slide anymore, at all, whatsoever.
So a lot of that has changed.
I wear the pants right now, and thats not going to change.
Im going to be Mama Bear for the rest of Cruzs life.
How does that feel?
You were seen as sort of a people pleaser, for lack of a better term.
So, now to have that control, how does that feel?
Im so proud of myself for being able to gain that strength.
Im not going to lie, I still am a people pleaser.
Its just dealing with this, I have to be strong.
I have to separate myself from that situation.
Everything has changed in that way.
Im not going to put up with stuff.
So you had, by that point, been separated for a few months?
Yeah, like six months.
He tries to make it seem like he only freaked out because of Julian.
]And Im like, Dude, I left you January 24th.
Also, it was not an isolated incident.
There were many incidents that happened that led me to leave in the first place.
Im like, Come on!
No, no, it wasnt the day after we left.
Also, we had already been separated.
I wasnt home, but he was watching Cruz and went through my private stuff.
I came home to him in a rage.
He had already known about [Julian] at this point.
He already knew before he found those messages.
So they were old messages?
Yes, from my iPad.
And you try for your familyyou think maybe, maybe, maybe, whatever.
But then he went crazy, and then it was like, Nope.
Is it still that way or has it gotten better?
Some days are better.
I think things are better with[out] his drinking and his cocaine use.
I do believe thats better, but his personality is still the same.
Do you have guys?
Questioning me about my personal life, if Im dating and stuff like that.
And then hell start an argument with me about that.
So, how do you co-parent now?
I have Cruz the majority of the time.
Just trying to protect Cruz at all costs.
The co-parenting thing has been difficult, because its hard when you dont trust somebody.
But I do believe that Cruzs dad needs to be in his life as long as he stays sober.
Thats kind of the majority of what Jaxs involvement is.
He doesnt help me financially, or anything really.
I mean, here and there, but nothing compared to what I do.
To go back to the start of filming, what was your mindset at that time?
It was crazy, because we were kind of getting along a little bit after our separation.
And then two days before we started filming, all that stuff happened.
So, it was still very raw and new in how bad it was.
Thats why I was like, Nope, putting my foot down.
You have to go to rehab because Im not dealing with this for the rest of my life.
I felt strong in that moment, though, because I finally did something about it.
Do you have any regrets?
Do you wish you could have done this sooner?
Oh, Ive tried.
Ive tried to get him help for years, in different ways too.
Like, Lets go to therapy!
Ive done many, many things over the years.
Being such a caretaker that I am, Ive always tried to help him.
Theres not one person who actually knows me that would think otherwise.
So by the time you left you felt like, Ive tried everything.
Ive tried everything I could possibly try.
So I felt good.
I felt proud of myself for doing that.
I needed to, bad.
I hope that other women that are in toxic relationships, maybe watching this could help them as well.
Maybe something will click for other women, because its not easy.
It seems like youve got better boundaries and walls up now.
Are you in therapy or anything to help keep that perspective?
I go back and forth about therapy.
Not that I have anything against it.
He wanted that perfect outlook for everybody.
He kept on and on and on about how we didnt need it.
Itll be sooner than later.
Its something I have to work my way up to.
But I will, eventually.
I can relate in that its hard to accept help when you have kids.
Where will I find the time?
And I do take care of everything.
Doctors visits, dentist appointments…. Im not even sure if Jax would know what shoe size hes in.
I literally handle everything.
But I wouldnt change it for the world.
I love being a mom.
Do you want to be in a relationship again?
I feel like Im a relationship person.
I dont like being alone, really, but Im also still healing from a lot of stuff.
You never know what the future will hold, but Im open to anything.
I deserve somebody to be nice to me.
In my last relationship, I took care of everything all the time.
I think itd be nice to have somebody take me out and do these things.
Im definitely open to it.
Will that bring any feeling of relief, like a chapter closing?
Yeah, I think itll definitely be a relief, like a weights lifted off my shoulders.
I think Ill have a lot of mixed emotions.
But Im definitely going to have a party.
Looking back at the past year and change, what are you most proud of?
Being able to finally put my feelings first, and putting myself first over the relationship and everything.
Im proud of not backtracking.
Im just so proud that I was not going to let that happen this time.
And I think Im doing a great job as a mom too.
I feel like Im kind of killing this mother thing.
Its a beautiful thing that hell get to grow up seeing you happy and taking care of yourself.
It may also teach him not to accept certain things.
I was like, He does not deserve this.
But having him there, seeing it, I was like, Nope, this is unacceptable.
Its kind of like a mirror, right?
That for real was like holding the mirror up to myself.
It was like, How can I go back when Ive been treated like this?
Where would you like to be a year from now?
I hope Im completely over all this.
I hope Im healed, or working on healing, and in a much better place.
Maybe Ill be in a relationship, Im not sure.
I just want to be happy and be treated well.
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How would you feel if Jax was getting married again, or in a serious relationship?
I cant see that happening, honestly.
Would it be hard on me?
But I would get over it.
Id be like, Thats your problem now.
Ill see how you handle it.
Because I bet you aint going to handle it for as long as I did.
Well, what sucks is I havent seen the first episode [of the new season] yet.
We dont get it until the day before it airs, so I have no idea how its portrayed.
As a viewer, my impression was that you seem really done.
Yeah, Im just sick of him never holding himself accountable.
Im not ever trying to say Im perfect.
I was starting to believe the stuff that he was telling me about myself.
Like, Brittany is thinking and putting herself and her son first.
Were not on the roller coaster anymore.
Thats exactly what it was.
I am hopeful for the future.
Honestly, nobody wants him to be better than I do, because we have a kid together.
I want that more than anything.
I just have no trust in him.
Its going to take some time to regain that trust because he beat me down for a long time.
I dont mean physically, obviously, but he really did a number on me emotionally.
Im like, this is not it.
But its going to take a lot for me to see that.
Yeah, I think just getting dressed up and going out with your friends.
So, doing things like that.
My friends and my family have been so important.
Were all going to go to Disney.
My anxiety is a lot worse than it ever was before.
I think its because everything is so public right now, and its just a lot going on.
But, of course, being with my son is the most important thing.
That makes me the happiest.
I just attempt to focus on that.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
