When, and in which episodes, do they take place?
Who, prithee or whatever, is going to fuck?
Who will cum toa Vitamin String Quartet coverof Africa by Toto, or something similar?
Luke Newton as Colin Bridgerton and Nicola Coughlan as Penelope Featherington inBridgertonseason 3.
And Gen Z, bless it, has a duke eating out a lady on a staircase.
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In the first season,Glamourfound 12 uniqueBridgertonsex scenes, plus one lengthy sex montage.
Publicity for the shows second season went on at length abouthow the famousBridgertonsex scenes are filmed.
And yet, there are almost no sex scenes inBridgertonseason two.
Until the seventh episode, there is no oral, no anal, no hand stuff.
There is nothing but heaving bosoms and suggestive eyelash choreography in six out of eight episodes.
There is more heavy breathing and chest heaving in each episode than in the entire Tour de France.
Yes, this isareal thingthat happens and fairly tame compared to what happens later.
TheBridgertonseason three sex scenes are equal parts unhinged and incredible.
If you want to skip ahead to the banging, this list will show you how.
to those who wait.
Given how often women are expected to go topless onscreen, I appreciateBridgertons commitment to equal-opportunity abs.
While this is not a sex scene, it does send a clear message:Bridgertonseason three ishorny.
Anthony and Kate are tangled up in bed!
Hes naked, shes wearing what I believe is Free People lingerie!
Anthony and Kate are finally making up for all that lost time spent pining when they coulda been boning.
He goes down on her and the camera cuts to a close up of their entwined hands.
This isnt just any oral sex.
Rudely, Kate isnt able to come because the Bridgerton family is too loud and distracting.
But then he ruins it by adding, Making an heir.
Sir, do you not know how babies are made?
Between him and Daphne, the lack of sex education in this family is frankly startling.
They celebrate with hot clear-the-desk sex that cuts away before anything actually happens.
At leastor, I hopeKate comes this time.
Colin is entangled in a threesome with two women thats either just beginning or just ending.
Or perhaps he simply has a kink for ladies absent-mindedly rubbing his chest?
I know this is meant to show that shes his real priority, but I dont buy it.
Prudence and Philippa head home with their respective husbands to do the deed.
Not a sex scene, but Penelope does take charge of her life and asks Colin for a kiss.
Granted, she did have to use I could die tomorrow as her argument, which is…dramatic.
I do not wish to die without ever having been kissed, she moans.
RIP Penelope, you would have lovedNever Been Kissed.Despite being a pity kiss, its sexy and tender.
The confused look on Colins face afterward says, I have a boner.
No sex in this episode, unless you count Colins wet dream about that kiss with Penelope.
We see Colin back for his weekly threesome.
And, as with most things in life, the women are putting all the effort into the experience.
Apparently this is out of character for Colin, though.
Are you quite well?
one of the sex workers asks.
(An excellent questionalways get enthusiastic consent.)
He admits hes not feeling it tonight, so the women suggest that he watch instead.
and sent him on his merry way.
Benedict has started a passionate affair with the widowed Lady Tilley Arnold.
However, we have to cut away because…
The first real Colin hook up is here!!!!
Theyve only reached third base, and yet its so good it ends with a marriage proposal.
Her commitment to gossip is commendable, but I do have some questions.
Mostly, when and how did the paper get there?
Cant you just picture the awkward staff convo:Don’t go in there!
They’re doingyou know what.
Ugh, but Lady Tilley said under no circumstances were we to delay her Whistledown delivery.
I can’t afford another job search.
Nicola Coughlan was not lying when she described herself asa member of the perfect breast community.
But really, this scene should be studied by future generations as a preeminent example of the female gaze.
The lust in his eyes when he looks at her.
The barest hint of butt in the mirror behind.
he asks, then ensuring she has her pleasure first.
No freaking wonder they broke the furniture while filming.
Can we do it again?
she asks as soon as its over.
Happy Pride, Benedict is queer!
In the writers room, we wanted to make sense of that.
Finally, we get thethreesome sceneChallengerspromised but never delivered.
My only complaint is that the action cuts away to more of this nonsense aboutCressida Cowperblackmailing Penelope.
A fitting end to a very sexy season.
Anthonys muscles ripple beneath a half-extinguished candelabra.
He turns, and magnificent ass cheeks fill the screen.
She is not like other girls!
She is a hot and sexy horse girl.
Building toward a climax.
Its Lord Bridgerton and Kate Sharma at a horse race.
Ha, ha, ha!
But soon, Anthony is lost in a reverie about witnessing his fathers death.
The tips of their noses touch; they are about to kiss.
Instead, both parties run away, throw their bodies against hard surfaces, and pant excessively.
Anthony, alarmed by his own desire, bites his own hand.
He lays his hand over her hand!
(To hold the gun.)
He turns his lips toward her cheek.
(To help guide her to shoot the gun.)
He inhales her scent!
(The gun drops.)
That night, awakened by a thunderstorm, the two chance upon each other in the library.
An entire generation, conditioned by the iconic green-dress sex scene inAtonement,waits.
The episode ends with another showdown in the library.
If these people do not have sex soon, it will be a medical emergency.
He emerges, white shirt soaked, looking like aMagic MikeXXLperformer.
The big action happens here at the 20-minute mark.
Speaking as a sister: Dont do this!
There really is no need to involve your sister this deeply in your sex life.
The two of you could just rock-paper-scissors or something.
You could offer to trade her your Aritzia sweater for her fiance!
None of this needs to happen.
Finally.Finally.Fourty-three minutes into the seventh episode, we get a sex scene.
Kate and Anthony run into each other after nightfall on the grounds of the Bridgerton manse.
This is very good.
He sniffs her neck in a move that seems to be lifted directly from the Edward Cullen seduction playbook.
And then it happens!
The bosoms are a-heaving and the abs are pulsating.
Kateslingerieis a sateen lilac shorts set, and I want it.
Anthony painstakingly rolls down Kates thigh-high stocking.
We havesuggested digital penetration, folks!Team, this is what weve been preparing for.
Anthony inches his way down Kates body and delivers pedigreed, land-owning gentry-style oral sex.
Then he makes strong eye contact and enthusiastically kisses her on the mouth.
Anthony: Denies womens rights in the streets, worships their bodies in the sheets.
There is a version of this man on every dating app.
Kate and Anthony dance to an orchestral version of Wrecking Ball.
(And???
Their sexual energy grabs the entire rooms attention, including the Queen of Englands.
(The queen does not let matters of state get in the way of more important things.)
Good news: The queen ships them!
With seven minutes of the season left to go, Anthony and Kate have their sophomore sexual experience.
However, it is immediately revealed that Anthonys family is waiting for them downstairs.
It would not be an episode of season two ofBridgertonif family wasnt heavily implicated in a sex scene!
The season ends with Anthony and Kate embracing and kissing ecstatically as their family watches.
This is Netflix, and you should expect sex groans, conveniently billowing sheets, and glorious side boob.
Kicking things off is toxically masculine eldest brother Anthony.
At the Disco hair and weird sexual proclivities, and Anthony is no exception.
Do not have one-sided fantasy sex with this hypocritical fictional character.
There is no sex in episode two, but there is a moment of foreshadowing.
In my notes, I wrote, Underestimate?
Reader: As the show goes on to prove, no, this is not an underestimate.
It is very nice.
Daphnes knowledge of what people do at night stops at kissing, so she petitions the duke for information.
He gives her vague directions to touch yourself and if it feels good, carry on with that.
Nevertheless, we see: Hand on butt!
Hand on side boob!
Petticoats hoisted up to the midshin area!
Then we havemakeoutus interruptus,thanks to another family member.
Weird choice to bring the family into a sexual moment again, but okay!
Instead of freaking out about seeing two men have sex, he chooses tohave a threesomein the hallway.
For this reason, he is the coolest Bridgerton sibling.
Couldnt he have drawn her a diagram or something?
They dont call her the seasons incomparable for nothing.
Daphne does a sensual arm striptease.
(Bring back elbow-length gloves, that we may all indulge in this!)
They run outside in ecstasy and kiss up against what I hope is not a grave.
An instantly iconic Vitamin String Quartet cover of Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift plays.
It rains, which makes them laugh, gaily!
Then he takes off his pants and gets on top of her, and they have sex.
Wildest dreams, oh!
Wildest dreams, oh!
I recognize that this is a TV show, not a how-to sex guide.
Ask formorefrom your outside rainstorm graveside sex, friends.
Sex on a desk!
Once again, the filmmaker chooses not to cut away and give the impression that time has passed.
Our favorite couple enjoys 12 seconds of bliss.
This scene starts so hot.
Daphne is Daenerys, mother of dragons, queen of having beautiful crimped hair!
And as a bonus, this is the one and only time Simon lasts for more than 30 seconds.
But the scene ends with Daphne doing something thats really unethical and nonconsensual, and wrong.
This combination of female orgasm and sumptuous real estate?
Its what people want.
Anthony and Siena have cheerful sex in a bed for a change.
Siena is wearing a crop top I would like to own.
Daph and the duke have exchanged heartfelt speeches, and even more important, they have been rained on.
Untilnext season, dear reader.
