I was 33 and working as a nurse in Maine when my life was turned upside down.
I delivered my daughter Norah like clockwork, and the pain seemed to disappear in the hours that followed.
But once the adrenaline of childbirth wore off, the pain returnedand it was getting worse.
Courtesy of Sarah Harris
It was then I knew something was really wrong.
Still, my doctor didnt seem worried.
Mopping the floors was just one of the chores that I shouldnt have been doing but did anyway.
Courtesy of Sarah Harris
And then one day I took a step and just fell over.
I called my primary care physician and was told to come in immediately.
His best guess: a bone cyst.
He ordered a bone biopsy and tried to talk me through my fears.
Although cancer was very low onhislist of possible worsts, I kept coming back to it.
I had a sinking feeling in my heart.
I had to wait a week for the biopsy results.
When the call came, I was in my daughters room, putting her down for a nap.
My other two kids were home because it was a snow day and the roads were bad.
It was snowing like crazy outside when the phone rang.
My PCP had retired a few days earlier, so I met with a brand-new physician that morning.
When she came into the room, her eyes were puffy.
I knew it was bad.
We received the results of your bone biopsy today, and unfortunately, its not good, she said.
It wasmetastatic breast cancer.
I remember looking at my husband and seeing tears welled up in his eyes.
I grabbed his hand and said to him, Its okay.
Thats all I could say.
I was just in shock.
We would have to wait for several days to see the next doctor.
I couldnt keep myself off google over the weekendthats when I found out my life expectancy was three years.
I couldnt keep myself off google over the weekendthats when I found out my life expectancy was three years.
The following week my oncologist walked into the room and calmly took charge.
She had a thick Italian accent, which for some reason made everything sound better.
It was nice to be treated as though everything was normal.
She pulled up my PET scan and pointed to one spot on my femur.
Thats it, she said.
And obviously theres a tumor in your breast.
I eventually got up the nerve to ask her how long I had to live.
Heck, you could be still showing up to appointments when I retire, she replied.
I didnt expectthatoptimism at all.
I had to stop breastfeeding immediately to prep for treatment, which was both emotionally and physically hard.
I was a vegetarian whod never had a sip of alcohol.
I exercised and didnt have any genetic mutations.
Id had three successful pregnancies.
The odds were in my favor across the board.
But for me, for some reason, none of that mattered.
My experience with chemo was pretty mild, all things considered.
I did lose all of my hair.
The hair loss wasnt so traumatizing.
What was traumatizing was the way people would look at me.
The hair loss wasnt so traumatizing.
What was traumatizing was the way people would look at me.
After the mastectomy and radiation, the pain in my hip returned.
Im still on the same medications as theyre still working.
In the cancer world, treatment plans are called lines of treatment.
You have your first line, second line, third line, etc.
Im so fortunate to have remained on my first line of treatment going on five and half years now.
My quality of life is excellent.
Recovery was long, but Im grateful and happy with the results.
Before all of this happened, I definitely took life and relationships for granted, big-time.
Now every birthday and every holiday is worth celebrating.
Every little milestone my kids reachand the fact that Im here to witness themmakes simple moments doubly precious.
Our kids are now 15, 12, and 5.
Ive gotten to witness milestones that, statistically speaking, I shouldnt have been here for.
My son started high school (hes currently a sophomore) and has started dating.
My oldest daughter is in seventh grade, plays soccer, and just joined a musical theater group.
And my youngest, who was just weeks old when I was first diagnosed, has started kindergarten.
Meanwhile, my family has traveled to Costa Rica.
We explored the jungle and went snorkeling and zip-lining for the first time.
My husband and I traveled to Paris and Portugal.
In Portugal, we went kayaking in and around sea caves and walked around castles.
Next month were off to Greece!
I felt like I wasnt the strong mom that I used to be.
Today I look like everyone else.
For that, Im proud.
Im very realistic and I know that metastatic breast cancer will likely take my life.
There is no cure.
Kim Peifferis a journalist who writes about style, health, and wellness.
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