And theres some actual depth there too.
By the finale, youre cheering for even the most seemingly unforgivable cad.
And it worksevery workshop ends in at least one breakthrough.
Courtesy
What is Durells secret?
And what are these sex workshops really like behind the scenes?
We went straight to the source to discussToo Hot To Handleseason five.
Courtesy of Brenden Durell
Glamour: How did you get involved withToo Hot to Handle?
Brenden Durell:Its a funny story.
It was early 2020, and I was living in Mexico.
I was just posting on IG when I saw I had a new request.
They just slid in my DMs and said, Hey, we sawyour website.
Were curious about this sexuality program you have for men.
And they were like, Were curious about that and would love to set up an interview.
I was like, Ah, thats just spam or whatever.
And then I got an email from the production company and realized, Oh, this is actually legit.
Now that were a few seasons in, how has your involvement changed?
I began at the end of season two.
People think that I create the workshops.
They have a workshop team, but I deliver the message in my own way.
In season two I had a really good workshop with Carly and Chase.
It was toward the end, when she just unloaded on him.
She got to speak her truth, which was cool.
And then I came back for the following season and did three or four workshops.
I think they kept calling me back because I was getting amazing responses from the cast members.
Some of them were having breakthroughs.
I had a pretty good track record with helping some of them get through some things.
Im able to bring a deep connection with the contestants.
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You said the production team comes up with the workshops.
How does that vibe with what you would do if left to your own devices?
Because its TV, they want to do things that are going to be a bang.
Theyre going to go the extra 10 miles to make something look aesthetically pleasing on TV.
What I really love about it is that its like an improv for me.
What am I doing?
And theyll say, Well tell you tomorrow.
So Im going to bed with zero clue about what Im going to do the next day.
Can you teach them about sex?
Thats essentially my experience.
Its pretty fun because I really dont know what Im doing until I get there a few hours before.
Yeah, thats pretty accurate.
This is unscripted TV.
A lot of people think its scripted, but its not.
Now, are there suggestive things that might go down?
Absolutely, with different setups and putting this contestant with that contestant on a date.
They want to see whats going to go down with different scenarios, but its all unscripted.
I essentially just tie in a message.
Do you get a briefing before you dive in a workshop about where the couples stand?
Yeah, they fill me in when I get there.
Of course, theres a lot of stuff going down so I dont remember all of it.
To be honest, I just need to know the main fiery topics and couples.
You probably get more surprises that way too.
Nothings premeditated going in.
We see whats present in the moment.
This season seems to have more love triangles than ever.
Yeah, there are some triangles happening.
When I come in, I tell them, You want to date somebody else in the retreat?
Go ahead, but you should communicate that.
You should actually say, I want to explore this and not be with you right now.
No matter how hard it is to say it.
Its essentially just trying to diffuse the situation and bring some clarity around it for all of them.
OnToo Hot to Handle, whats the most common problem you encounter among the couples?
And I feel that mirrors our society as well, especially speaking from the male perspective.
Were taught to swallow our emotions and not share, so that comes up a lot.
Or the opposite, Hey, Idontreally like you.
Thats when ghosting comes in.
Or theres the prideful thing of, I cant admit that I really am crazy about her.
That whole bravado thing.
They just have a lot more…a lot more charisma.
Charisma, and maybe a sex addiction.
Yeah, for sure.
Theyre definitely super horny.
Well, first of all, come tomy Instagram page.
I put up a lot of tips there, and its for free.
With couples, I always suggest that they practice breath work by themselves first.
When that alarm goes off, take 10 deep breaths.
Just practice breathing more by yourself.
And then, if youre having a really tough conversation with your partner, remember those breathing practices.
Youll have a more level mind during those intense conversations.
And then, communication.
Create space to have healthy communication.
Talk about whats been challenging, whats been beautiful.
Check-ins like that really move the needle forward when it comes to intimacy.
In your opinion, what is a true boundary versus a potential controlling or manipulation technique?
Thats a beautiful question.
I havent seen that thing with Jonah Hill yet, but Ill look into it.
I always say that our society often thinks of boundaries as building a fortress.
We think of building something to keep somebody out.
That we have to protect this space by all means.
But if youre creating a fortress to keep somebody out, thats going to keep us on edge.
Like, Ive got to protect this at all costs.
So then were always looking for something to go down.
Its done out of care for yourself first, and then care for the other person.
Thats what boundaries are meant to be.
But not in a way thats like, Eff you or Its your fault.
Its in a loving way.
I don’t want to talk about that.
Thats not how boundaries actually work.
So boundaries can change too, with growth and communication.
We cant always be so rigid when it comes to boundaries.
Boundaries can be like bamboofirm, but you’re able to work with them.
Do you have a favorite part about working onToo Hot to Handleover the past few seasons?
One of my biggest things is just bantering with the guys in between workshops.
Like Nathan in season three, for example.
In this new season, its Louie and Dre and seeing how these guys operate.
Nothing, just me and him, because they knew the benefits of him working with me.
I led him through a breath work session, and then something in him shifted.
it’s possible for you to see it on camera later, when we had our one-on-one workshop.
Thats interesting that you got off-camera time to keep working with him.
I imagine it makes for better TV if hes actually growing and improving.
It does, and I was really surprised they did that.
They were like, We want to give you guys some time together.
I made him some of my famous cacao.
So we did all that and then we went into breath work; afterward we filmed a little one-on-one.
You could just see in his face that he was different.
He was softer, more open, and his voice sounded different.
The production does an amazing job with giving me time with the contestants who really need it.
I believe its for life too.
Im unsure about that, but I would love to do a consent workshop.
I feel like thatd really translate to culture.
I also know there is 24/7 on-call support from the producers and the welfare team.
They have a psychologist on the premises as well.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
