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Actions speak louder than words, etc.
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And really, you have to work your way up to it!
It is a big deal, and all that build up and anticipation can be exciting.
But before you do anything, let go of any expectations around the outcome.
Chris Haston/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images
But where to start?
Notice if they respond in kindit’s all part of the dance.
When they walk in the room, it’s OK to smile and wave.
Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie) and John Corbett (Aidan) in the HBO television seriesSex and the City’s third season, episode “No Ifs Ands Or Butts”.
To say, I’m so glad you’re here.
They should catch on eventually.
When we’re anxious, we’re prone to misreading interpersonal cues, says Marriott.
Giles Keyte
That eyebrow twitch could be a flirt, or simply a quirkso how do you know?
And its why its a good idea to take the risk and let them know.
Listen, remember, repeat
In conversation, practice active listening.
Netflix
Even replying oh my god!
When they mentiona new bookthey’re reading, read it so you might discuss it with them.
You don’t even have to fake it!
Say you don’t like the book if you don’t like it.
I personally watched two seasons ofSix Feet Underfor this reason.
It’s depressing!)
It’s not weirdit’s a memory trick.
And with all that active listening you’ve been doing, this should be no problem.
See an ad for thatreality showyou know your crush likes?
Take a pic and text it to them.
Did they tell you a story about buying way too much of an ingredient for a recipe?
That’s an inside joke nowbring them some the next time you see them.
Open up
Marriott recommends sending out a test balloon of measured vulnerability.
It’s a brave step towards genuine connection, Marriott says.
But don’t info dump.
Gradual vulnerability builds connection.
If your crush opens up in turn, take notice and respond accordingly.
They’ll likely be touched.
If they’re always apologizing that work ran late, a thoughtful comment like, You work so hard!
could make them melt.
That’s how to tell someonewhyyou like them.
Flirty little gestures
But once you’ve established camaraderie, how do you tell someone youwantthem?
Like, as more than friends?
Smile with just one side of your mouth.
Laugh at their jokes.
Say their name with emphasis or an extra syllable (“Dyl-la-n!").
Let your eye contact linger.
Theres good reason why the physical style doesnt play out in a conversational environment, Hall toldKU News.
Thats not where physical flirts go.
Its not where theyre most confident.
If you get any vibes that the touch was unwanted, don’t give it another spin.
Plus, you’re able to always get closer to your crush withoutactuallytouching.
There’s also a way to physically touch via object, or what I like to call the swaps.
It’s disarming and fun!
These also make for good flirtation tools.
I like to do tiny favors, like refilling their glass or accompanying them on an errand.
If you might afford it, pay for something small and say it’s because they’re your favorite.
If they insist on returning the favor, shrug and say, You’ll get it next time.
You’ve just combined gifts and words of affirmation in one gesture.
And now there’s a next time!
you’re free to also just suggest spending quality time together.
Back when Twitter was Twitter, I even had a system for getting dates on there.
I’d find a cute, smart guy that I was interested in and follow him.
He’d usually follow me back.
(Not to brag but…I’m really funny.)
We’d start liking each other’s tweets, and eventually reply to each other.
Your basic digital banter.
If you’re really feeling confident, like an old post at 2 a.m. Everyone knows what that means.
He said, Yes.
I’d need his number.
Then, I texted him pictures of myself in various sweaters over the next week.
Eventually he came over.
That’s how to tell your crush you like them in the 21st century.
Playful teases
Don’t be mean.Buuuuuuut.
while smiling can get the night off to a banter-y start.
Everyone loves that flirt/roast ratio, right?
So give them a nickname, however stupid it might sound.
When all else fails…
Go hard or go home.
Buy an extra ticket to a concert or sports event and ask them to take it off your hands.
Lend them a book you really want their take on and put your number in it.
(Yes, I’ve done this.)
Write your number on the receipt after the hot barista drops it off.
(Done this one too!)
Don’t overthink it.
That said, my high school prom date did this for me, and it was cute.
He said, Come by on a Monday, that’s the best day.
Anyway, I slept with him that night, and then all summer.
Gotta risk it for the biscuit.
If you’re nervous, that’s actually a good sign.
Fear of expressing interest is your biology saying, This is important, says Marriott.
Then imagine feeling the worst possible outcome if you doand surviving, she says.
It might feel like the end of the world for a moment, sure, but itll pass.
So take a deep breath, then go for it.
In the end, you might even be proud of yourself for your courage!
A previous version of this article was written by Scott Alden and Chiara Atik forHowAboutWe.
It has since been updated.
