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Pleasure is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for overall well-being.
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Pleasure that’s also good for us is what I like to call healthy hedonism.
So if youre looking to invest more in your solo sex game, youve come to the right place.
If you don’t already have a masturbation practice,welcome.
Create a pleasure mindset.
Good sexeven with ourselvesstarts outside the bedroom.
The first step in creating pleasure is to cultivate a pleasure mindset.
What do I mean by that?
Designate time and space for feel-good fun.
Pleasure of all kinds, not just sexual pleasure, can be good for the brain.
So block off a few hours each week to do something that feels good.
This first step is often the most challenging.
In fact, we often have things backward.
We imagine that if wedocertain things, we willhavewhat we want and need, and then we willbehappy.
But the pleasure mindset is about savoring our experiences in the here and now.
Practice the fine art of self-attunement.
Take out your journal and answer these questions: What’s on your mind?
What’s going on in your body?
How’s your emotional state?
If you are feeling down or frazzled, don’t worry.
I call this practiceradical acceptance, and it’s a powerful tool for well-being.
Explore a new hobby.
Eroticism starts with having a passion for living.
By engaging it, we can help dial up our lust for life, if you will.
How do we engage our seeking system?
Virtually explore, learn something new, dive into an interest or curiosity.
Turn off your phone.
Taking breaks from your devices is a powerful tool to enhance your overall well-being.
How we are using our attention is creating big problems.
We spend way too much time in continuous partial attention, which is constantly dividing our attention.
Think of it as being plugged into our devices, always on standby.
We wait for notifications, messages, likes, and other input.
We are no longer present in the moment.
We are no longer present to the people in the room.
This hijacks our emotional brains and sabotages our capacity to connect to others.
Making a conscious choice to unplug enough to be present can do wonders for our well-being.
Being present is really the first requirement for getting turned on.
So turn off social media, put down the smartphone, and be in the moment.
Get your head in the game, and your body will follow.
Stressespecially chronic stresskills the pleasure mindset.
The good news here is thathaving sexcan reduce our cortisol levels.
One more reason to learn how to masturbate better!
If you need help learning how to relax, here’s afull guide to the breathing exercisesI use myself.
Spend time in the sun.
The hypothalamus is your bodys master hormone machine.
Getting natural sunlight can help stimulate the hypothalamus (and is also linked to lower rates of stress).
Not getting enoughnatural sunlighthas contributed to the worldwide epidemics of obesity, depression, anxiety disorders, and stress.
A big reason to spend time outdoors all year round!
Music, especially an empowering anthem, primes joy.
(you’re free to also play it for your partner when the opportunity arises.)
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Ive often said, your brain is your most powerful sex organ.
(Anyone who’s ever had asex dreamshould understand this all too well.)
you might turn up the volume on pleasurable sensations from your genitals just by using your mind.
Know your erogenous zones.
One you may not have explored before?
There’s a scientific reason for this.
Experiment withdifferent types of orgasms.
(Yes,nipple orgasmsare a thing!)
Connect the dots between pleasure places.
Regular exercise has long been understood to help boost sexual arousal.
Do it by yourself or with a partner.
When you are with a partner, sizzle up your interactions.
Couples who learn how to take risks by penetrating each other’s psyches keep learning and growing together.
And then go deeper to probe.
Cultivating the ability to actively and deeply listen to our partners is hot.
And that applies to both your sex life and your life outside the bedroom.
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Explore the world of porn.
Its a myth that women arent into porn.
Just see to it youre turning toethical, feminist sources.
Find the right sex toy.
There are plenty of ways to turn yourself on using just your own body and your mind.
But a vibrator can also be a wonderful thing to incorporate.
In a previouscolumnwe explored how to play with options and experiment with different parts of the body.
Just go for it.
Ultimately, the best masturbation tip for turning yourself on is just to do it.
In other words, repeated stimulation is key.
