On my 15th wedding anniversary, I burned my wedding dress.
I burned it in a chiminea on my friend Serenas patio during the summer of 2020.
A special rite to close out that part of my life.
My own wedding had been a compromise: small, patched together with only $5,000.
Id arranged the flowers myself.
The dress, which had come from a discount website, had a visible flaw on the front.
My marriage had also been that way: smaller and more stifling than the dreams.
I managed the grocery budget, cutting coupons and canning vegetables.
I objected to the obviousness of the metaphor and suggested a vacation instead.
But my then husband pointed out the puzzle cost $19.99, and a vacation would cost far more.
So we stuck with the puzzle.
Even then, I was trying to make my life and desires fit within someone elses parameters.
My ambition, modest as it might have been at the time, saved me.
Eventually, I got tired of my dreams always coming second to someone elses comfort.
It was clear it was never going to be my turn.
So in September 2017, after 12 years of marriage,I asked for a divorce.
I moved out two months later, taking that flawed wedding dress with me.
I spent 12 years fighting for an equal partnership, when what I needed was a divorce.
I had been poor before.
But I had never beenfree.
With court-mandated 50-50 custody, I had more time to write and more time to work.
I started making more money.
I had more friends because I could be a better friend.
I got a new job and was able to buy a house.
I needed to do something with it; my friend Serena was the one who first suggested burning it.
And so we did.
Once again, the ceremony was smaller than I thought.
But it was more joyful, and there was wine.
This meant I fit into the dress again.
It had been 15 years, and my body had waxed and waned from children.
I laughed so hard my sides ached.
I thought about finding someone else.
That would be nice.
But, I realized now, it wasnt necessary for a happy life.
I had my dreams.
I had friends and love and family and a home filled with joy and pets.
I could write whatever stories I wanted without fear or worry that I would have to compromise.
