Its been three months since I got botulism from fake Botox.
Three months and this is the first week Im starting to almost feel normal again.
It all started when I got Botox in February.
Collage: Channing Smith. Photos: Getty.
I went to the same med spa Id been going to for three years.
It had been advertised to me as licensed and looked so legitimate.
The place is so nice and the injector wore a white doctors coat.
They have an Instagram, carried reputable skin-care brands, and everything.
My dermatologist charges about $1,500 for armpits, which I didnt want to pay.
[The med spa] had been advertised to me as licensed and looked so legitimate.
The place is so nice and the injector wore a white doctors coat.
I also had a great experience the first few times.
Id been gettingBotox in my armpitsforhyperhidrosis or excessive sweating.
I went every nine months or so.
I also got injections in my face about once every six months.
I had been going there with no problem since 2021.
When I got sick, Id had my armpits injected.
It was also a lot more painful than it was before.
I thought maybe I was sensitive because I was getting my period.
I justified it in my head.
I didnt take a stab at make it out to be strange, but it hurt a lot.
After about five days, I got this weird wave of dizziness that wouldnt go away.
I thought I was just hungry and needed to eat, but food didnt help.
Within that hour I started seeing double.
I thought maybe I just needed glasses or something.
I just didnt think anything of it and went to bed.
I was very weak and couldnt catch my breath.
It felt like there was someone sitting on my chest.
I was having difficulty breathing so I thought I was having a panic attack.
Not once did Botox cross my mind, especially since Id gotten it so many times before.
Wed been planning it for a long time.
But when the food came, I started choking.
I couldnt chew or swallow.
It felt like paralysis.
My jaw stopped working.
I was like, What the fuck is happening to me?
I tried to drink some water to calm down, but I couldnt sip the water.
It was coming out of my mouth and I was choking on water.
I was dizzy, weak, and having trouble breathing.
Then I started slurring my words.
I removed myself from the dinner table, went to the bathroom, and splashed water on my face.
I was really starting to panic at this point.
It was so weird, so I just went home.
This was maybe 10 days into March.
At this point I wasdizzy, weak, and having trouble breathing.
Then I started slurring my words.
It was so bad he thought Id relapsed.
I felt like I couldnt speak and wasnt making sense.
We thought I was having a stroke so he took me to the ER.
Theyd asked me if I had traveled, ate anything weird, got any vaccines.
No, no, and no.
I didnt even think to mention Botox.
It didnt even cross my mind.
Every single test came back normal.
The doctors said: Youre totally fine.
We think its psychosomatic.
I was discharged and went home, assuming it was anxiety.
But the next day I woke up and my arms had fully stopped working.
They were pretty much in paralysis.
It was extreme muscle weakness.
I couldnt even lift them.
My fingers were still working, so I could text but I couldnt even lift my arm up.
A toothbrush felt like 500 pounds.
I couldnt even brush my teeth on my own.
I couldnt shower on my own.
I was like, This is so fucking weird.
What is happening to me?
But the ER had said I was fine the night before.
She took me to our primary-care doctor.
At this point I had lost 10 pounds within a week.
I was so weak and frail and fragile, and my body wasnt working.
They did a Lyme disease panel test, a spinal tap, an MRI.
They did every test under the sun.
I was there for 24 hours.
But everything came back normal.
They said it sounded like MS or like ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease).
It was horrible and traumatic.
They ran every test but everything came back normal.
Every single test came back normal.
The doctors said: Youre totally fine.
We think its psychosomatic.
At this point my symptoms were significantly worse.
I was fully bedridden.
Every time I would stand up, I was throwing up or pooping my pants.
I couldnt keep anything down.
I couldnt even keep water down.
My shortness of breath, my double vision, my arms; it was so bad.
My symptoms finally plateaued on the March 17, meaning they didnt get worse.
That was about four weeks since I had gotten the injections.
Then I had a friend come see me.
Then a lightbulb went off.
We looked up Botox side effects, risks, and adverse reactions, then discovered botulism and its symptoms.
I had every single one.
It starts with the double vision and dizziness, then trouble breathing, then muscle weakness.
It was every single one.
I was like, Oh my God.
Until then, no hospital had an answer for me.
I knew something was really wrong, but everyone kept telling me I was fine.
I saw the head toxicologist and told him everything.
Still, he wanted to keep me there on observation to rule out any neuromuscular autoimmune disorders.
I was fully bedridden.
Every time I would stand up, I was throwing up.
I couldnt keep anything down.
It was so scary and confusing because anything but botulism just wouldnt make sense.
Like I said, I dont drink.
There is also no history of autoimmune or serious illness in my family.
He concluded it was botulism and called the CDC.
So the CDC clinically diagnosed me with botulism.
They said it would go away with time, because Botox has to wear off.
Filler, you’re free to dissolve, but Botox you just wait.
My inability to swallow any food was because there was paralysis in my esophagus and jaw.
The double vision is because my eye muscles werent working in sync with one another.
Thats everything I had been experiencing.
And then my arms, obviously, was paralysis from the armpits.
Since my symptoms had plateaued, the antitoxin was no longer necessary.
It wouldnt have changed anything at that point.
Like I said, a toothbrush had felt like 500 pounds.
I had to take off work.
My life was on pause because I was so weak.
Later that day the Department of Health called and said they looked into it.
The injector I saw wasnt even licensed, though he was advertised as such.
As I said, the place was so nice.
I never would have guessed.
It turns out hes an esthetician, not a licensed injector, which makes sense.
A brand like Botox cant legally give a nonlicensed person their product.
This means yes, Imone of the 19 peoplethat the CDC cited in their counterfeit Botox report.
The Department of Health has reached out to me, and the CDC.
Stories about our fake Botox have been on CNN, theDaily Mail.
My life has been turned upside down.
Looking back, a few thingswere unusual about the med spa.
I had to pay over Venmo.
Their website didnt include Botox on their service menu.
It had chemical peels, laser removal, eyelash tints, and other things estheticians can do.
But nothing a licensed injector could.
Otherwise, its been a really slow, gradual road to getting back to my normal life.
But as of this weekthree months laterIm starting to feel normal again.
My advice is just to never cut corners.
Injectables arent something you should take a stab at get a deal on.
It actually turned out to be best-case scenario.
Its not a lifelong autoimmune disorder that I have to deal with, and I dont have permanent damage.
So all in all, Im really lucky.
But it was so traumatic.
I really thought I was going to die.
I never need to do Botox again.
I can deal with sweaty armpits and a couple wrinkles in my forehead.
Doctors put Botox on my allergy list and said, So next time, think about it.
Im like, Next time?
Im never doing this stuff again.
Its been the worst three months of my life.
Thats not to say other people shouldnt get Botox.
My advice is just to never cut corners.
Injectables arent something you should take a stab at get a deal on.
The infectious disease toxicologist actually told me that Botox is usually so safe.
Its used medically, therapeutically, and cosmetically.
It is normally a very, very safe product.
What happened to me is extremely rare.
My Botox just so happened to be counterfeit.
Because its so accessible and injections are so normalized now, you oughta know where youre getting it from.
I only did it because it was cheaper.
I love my dermatologist and trust her with my life.
So thats why I went to this place.
Obviously, I learned my lesson.
I dont know if Ill do anything cosmetic with needles again.
If I do, I dont think I will for a long, long time.
But for now, Im okay with wrinkles and sweat.
I was so, so sick.
Ive never been so sick in my life.
I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
This story has been edited for length and clarity.
