Instead, I blamed the soreness on my age40.
But then one night I was lying in bed with my husband and the pain suddenly overwhelmed me.
I knew I wasnt pregnant, so I was stumped.
Courtesy of Eva Crawford
A head-to-toe scan found something very small in my colon, so the next step was a colonoscopy.
But the colonoscopy came back clear, so I was sent to a chiropractor to resolve my back pain.
I remember going to breakfast with my husband, then walking around and taking a ton of pictures.
Courtesy of Eva Crawford
These could be the last pictures of me not having cancer, I thought.
I thought I was dying that day.
I remember going to breakfast with my husband, then walking around and taking a ton of pictures.
Courtesy of Eva Crawford
These could be the last pictures of me not having cancer, I thought.
My husband was a rock.
It took him a long time to be able to say those words without crying.
Courtesy of Eva Crawford
I knew then that I wanted to document my experience.
I wanted to double-check my kids would know me.
I wanted a visual reminder of what I was about to go through.
I didnt want to forget.
I was recovering from my first surgery when I got a call from my oncologist.
The cancer had metastasized up and down my spine and into my liver.
It was stage IV breast canceralso known as metastatic breast cancerwhich is considered terminal.
I didnt just have cancer; I had incurable cancer.
The next day we went back to the doctor to discuss the full results of my PET scan.
I was with my mom, a friend, and my husband.
The doctor asked if I wanted to be in the room when she delivered my results.
I was in shock.
I had just run a 5K and was a regular at Orangetheory.
Now my hip was about to break?
Rounds of chemotherapy ensued, each one making me feel as if I had been hit by a truck.
But it was working.
Earlier this year my scans were pretty clear.
I started traveling again, and I spent back-to-back weekends raising money to fund breast cancer research.
Then I got another call from my oncologist.
I was just looking at the results of your brain scan, she said.
(I get one every six months.)
Theres a small spot on your cerebellum.
This is something were going to have to discuss.
I had been doing so welland now this.
What if these are the last years of my life?
How am I going to look at my kids again and tell them this?
I wanted so badly to raise them.
I know people who have lived with metastatic breast cancer for 18 years.
I wanted to be one of those people.
Theres this beautiful slow pace about life now that I had never experienced before.
It forces me to be present, andthatis the ultimate gift.
Although they are tiny little spots, every new discovery forces a change in my treatment plan.
Fast-forward to today, and at age 47, my MBC has been stable.
My kids are now 9, 11, and 13.
From the outside looking in, my life might look normal and my disease remains invisible.
That being said, I have not forgotten.
I have not forgotten that I am five years into a disease that generally takes ones life in three.
I know that I could mostly ignore my disease but I have decided to become an advocate.
I had seen her just four days before and didnt realize it would be our last time together.
This is a perfect example of how things can change on a dime with MBC.
When it comes to my journey, my attitude remains positive, as its always been.
I get to hang out with my husband and kids.
Theres this beautiful slow pace about life now that I had never experienced before.
It forces me to be present, andthatis the ultimate gift.
Kim Peifferis a journalist who writes about style, health, and wellness.
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