They say every girl dreams of her wedding day.
The ideaalways struck me as odd.
Id rathertravel, orput some money toward a house.
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Whenever someone told me they were getting married, Id think:That is lovely news.
But it couldnt be me.
Or, at least, thats what I thought until I met someone.
She was never big on marriageand by extension, weddingseither.
It was something neither of us thought we would do.
Except when she asked me, How about it?
We neverneededmarriage as a commitment, but that almost made it more romantic, like a rebellion against ourselves.
But then the wedding day started creeping up.
Should I wear a hat?
people joked good-naturedly, and Id feel my chest constrict as if there wasnt enough oxygen in the room.
What song are you going to play for the first dance?
Nice in theory, but nothing to do with me.
Eventually, something had to give.
I couldnt go along with whatever people thought I might go along with.
Fortunately, my fiance felt the same way.
And so we agreed: There would be no guests.
There would be no wedding dresses.
Instead, we settled on eloping.
On a beach in Formentera, Spain.
Both of us in white bikinis and cowboy hats.
Maybe afterward wed dunk ourselves in the seawater.
Whatever felt right at the time.
But crucially: no guests!
I braced myself for widespread disappointmentfamily and friends screaming, crying, throwing upbut the big reactions never came.
Honestly, nobody really cared that much.
Whatever makes you happy.
In some ways, everyones lack of reaction made me feel less anxious about the whole thing.
But there would be no aisle.
No bridesmaids or first dance or throwing heaps of confetti on the steps of a church.
Just music, drinking, and dancing.
And I suppose I could push myself to eat cakeas long as its tier-free.
I love everything about other peoples wedding days.
The mishmash of guests (someones granny dancing to Common People with the grooms colleague from work).
The open-hearted celebration of love.
The way its an excuse to throw a really fun party that youll remember forever.
I wish I wanted all of those things for myself.
And, Ive come to realize, thats actually totally fine.
This story originally appeared inBritishVogue.
