Cancersplit my world into two distinct parts: my pre-metastatic breast cancer life and mypost-metastatic breast cancer life.
Pre-metastatic breast cancer I was very active.
I was intoyoga, running, pilateswhatever was on-trend in the moment.
Courtesy of Sheetal Dewan
I work in technology, but I also ran a Bollywood dance school with my girlfriends.
It turns out,it was breast cancerHER2-negative, ER- and PR-positive ductal carcinoma to be specific.
Its a terrible thing, but you live.
Courtesy of Sheetal Dewan
But theres no beating stage IV breast cancer, which is also known as metastatic breast cancer.
There is no cure.
Its something Ill have for the rest of my life.
I spiraled as my mind started playing games on me.
What did I do wrong?
Was it the food I was eating?
Was I not exercising enough?
Was I working too hard?
I started to question everything; I felt like I had caused the cancer.
Unsurprisingly, having a busy careerandtwo kidsandmaking all our meals from scratch only stressed me out further.
I was initially frustrated with my oncologist because I felt I wasnt being given a solution.
What I wanted to hear was, Take this and then youre done.
Everything will be normal and your life will go back to how it used to be.
But thats not howstage IV breast cancer treatmentworks.
That was lesson No.
Its waiting and watching.
My first treatment worked for 18 months, and then I moved on to another and then another.
Ive been on nine treatments over the last five years.
At some point, though, something changed.
I stopped asking whyWhy me?
Why now?and started asking how I could change myself or my situation to make it find joy.
Metastatic breast cancer patients get scans every few months to see if their cancer is stable or progressing.
Some will say they live scan to scan or treatment to treatment.
But its the days in between where life happens.
That was my lesson No.
We all have big dreams.
I, too, had my whole game plan laid out.
I wanted to be on stage.
I wanted to be in newspapers and magazines.
(Thank you,Glamour!)
Through her, I got the opportunity to be in Mark Roxeys ballet and perform my story on stage.
Ive raised almost $15,000 for their efforts.
But Im getting brave.
Believing that the universe has a plan for me that is better than the one I could ever imagine.
For more information on metastatic breast cancer, visit Susan G. Komen.
Jillian Krameris a journalist who writes about health, wellness, science, and adventure.
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