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Like a lot of things in life, sexting is an art form that takes both practice and passion.
Design by Channing Smith
Its not something one can go into half-heartedly.
If you do, you’re not sending a sext, not really.
But learning how to sext properly isnt just great for new couples.
Sexting can be intimidating, whether youre messaging someone youre in a long-term relationship with or a relative stranger.
But if youve put off learning how to sext, theres no time like the present.
Here, experts break down your ultimate guide on sexy texts.
What is sexting?
Sexting is when two people (or more!)
It can also be used as prompts to put foreplay into motion.
Or as they used to call it before technology took over: phone sex.
There is no one size fits all formula for sextingeach person and even each relationship is different.
How do you start a sext text?
(Unless you know for certain that’s something that turns them on.)
Here are some tips.
Checking in with your partner is required before you go from zero to 60.
Unless of course, youve already pre-negotiated or established you have sexting carte blanche.
Sexting example:Hey you!
Had you on my mind and wanted to share some NSFW thoughts.
Are you into that right now?
when you land consent locked down and boundaries have been established, its time to make your move.
If you are going from Hey, can you pick up some milk on the way home?
to sexting, there is some pre-game work to be done, says Cox.
To really excel at sexting, you oughta be creative and in touch with your sexy self.
Then, give your partner a few minutes to respond.
Remember, sexting is a conversation.
If youre new to sexting, choose your words carefully, says Cox.
Foreplay and anticipation in any sexual play (a.k.a.
the buildup) is what helps make the grand finale so special, Sinclair says.
It’s why foreplay is such an important part of learninghow to orgasm during sex.
Sexting example:Lets take this as far as we can, slowly.
Then let ourselves orgasm.
Fun fact: flirty emojis were created for sext messages.
This could also be a good chance to explore role playing.
Its exhausting always being the same person, isnt it?
Stubbs suggests setting up a role-play situation as another way to let your mind run wild.
Just like when it comes to sex, theres no sense in rushing it.
(Related: Have you read our guide onhow to make sex last longer?)
Dont give it all away with the first sext, Sinclair says.
Tell them what you want to do to them, orsend a naughty picture.
Sexting example:Thinking about what I want to do to you has been driving me crazy.
I get more and more turned on every time I imagine it.
Want your partner to engage in a little fantasy play?
Looking to have them say dirty things to you?
Communicate what you want and ask for all the naughty things you know you deserve, Saynt says.
Most likely your partner will be down to comply with giving you exactly what you’re looking for.
Sexting example:Tell me what you want me to do with my hands right now.
Corrado makes a great point.
Or even add a fake tattoo for fun.
Consider having a library of naughty pics and videos in your arsenal for when youre ready to sext.
But, as Saynt points out, you dont have to be totally naked in whatever photos youre sharing.
As the saying goes, sometimes less is more.
If you dont want to go full nude, dont feel that you have to, Saynt says.
This is about what makesyoufeel sexy.
Sexting example:Do you want to see a photo of what Im wearing right now?
Sexting example:Tell me how the sound of my voice makes you feel.
Sexting example:Remember that time in the elevator when I went down on you a few months ago?
The director is someone who is doing thetelling,while the narrator isdescribingwhat is happening around them.
But this doesnt mean you cant switch it up.
Example of narrator:I love it when you tease me that way."
Theres nothing worse than getting all hot and bothered and then theres a lull.
Engage and try not to be unresponsive during moments when the sexting is consistent, Saynt says.
Plan a time for this so that you could be ready for your close-up.
Sexting example:Im getting so close.
Want to move this to FaceTime?
If you find yourself feeling out of sorts once things have wrapped up, take time for physical self-care.
This is the perfect time to light a candle and draw yourself a calming bath.
Sexting example:Woo.
That was a hot session.
Now its time to take it easy and relish in how good it was.
Why should you try sexting?
In fact, dick pics aside, consensual sexting is full of benefits.
Because sexting is a form of communication, it allows both partners to communicate on a different level.
It can add sexual tension, passion, and really amp up your sex life.
Remember, its not going to go smoothly every time so dont get discouraged.
Communication is keyif something is making you feel uncomfortable, talk about it.
One of the best parts about sex, especiallykinky sex, is that theres always room to experiment.
Not everyone is comfortable using the pop in of words you find in sextingand thats totally fine!
But the more you engage in sexting (a.k.a.
practice), the easier it will be to shake feelings of cringiness.
For those who dont have creative jobs, this can be a great escape into another realm of themselves.
If youre describing to them the ways that youre touching yourself, make it a sensory experience.
It shows that you trust them with your innermost sexual thoughts and raw photos.
Although human sexuality is complicated, the fact remains that were sexual beings.
But where things can get difficult for people is if theyve yet to embrace that sexuality.
Sexting can help unlock the door to that.
We all havesexual fantasies.
Even if youve yet to explore them, theyre there.
So if youre looking to dip your toes in those waters, sexting is a chance to do that.
Its completely normal for all of us to have fantasies, says Sinclair.
How much sexting is too much sexting?
Yes, it absolutely is possible to have too much of a good thing.
And you definitely dont want that to happen.
Sexting can start to lose its impact if it becomes the norm, says Cox.
It needs to be a spontaneous back-and-forth conversation.
It should never be one-sided, where one partner is doing all the work to create sexy banter.
There is no specific formula for how much sexting is healthy.
Just like sex, every couple is different.
If you might do all that, then youve nailed the art of sexting.
