But while Emanuel found herPlayboyexperience both exciting and empowering, the impact on her dating life was anything but.
I developed really young.
I started wearing a full-size bra when I was 11.
Erica MacLean
So that definitely was a jarring entrance in femininity.
Throughout my teenage years, I definitely looked older than I was.
This is not how I want to be feeling in every conversation with a man.
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I dont want to feel like prey.
My dating life was most active when I was in college.
That quickly changed as I got older.
I was on and off with somebody from high school until I was 23.
Then after that, I went into hibernation and I havent really come out.
Ive dated here and there, but no official relationship.
I started modeling after college, in 2015.
It kind of happened by accident.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a designer or I wanted to be on radio.
I remember my mom said something like, Youre too pretty for the radio.
At the time I was so offended and annoyed that she said that.
Im like, Well, thats not what I look like.
I dont relate to this, so what else do we have?
This is not how I want to be feeling in every conversation with a man.
I dont want to feel like prey.
I went to private school my whole life.
So in a lot of scenarios I really was the only Black girl in certain situations.
Where are the rest of us?
Especially behind the scenes.
People werent matching my makeup, right?
They didnt know what to do with my hair, things like that.
So they were selling that.
Or Id meet their friends and then it would come up.
Youre the person Im seeing and sleeping with, and this is how youre pitching me to your friends.
And so thats when I really took a step back and was like, I need a break.
I feel like theres something with the patriarchy that they still cant handle a confident woman.
And when you cant handle a confident woman, you take a stab at bring them down.
When in reality, it had nothing to do with me trying to be the entertainment for men.
To me, its just an insecurity thing more than anything else.
I was like, You know what?
I am going to focus on me.
Im going to do me.
Im not going to use sex as a distraction.
I wont partake in any activities unless its my official boyfriend.
Then I was like, I dont even want to have a boyfriend right now.
I like my freedom and discovering what I like.
I wouldnt say my decision was directly linked toPlayboy.
It just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back.
For the most part it was pretty easy.
I feel like I learned a lot about myself.
I learned a lot about my former self and relationship and where things went wrong.
I valued myself so much more after I prioritized myself in setting boundaries, even with girlfriends.
The show filmed in the middle of Emanuels year of celibacy.
Ive always prided myself on being honest and authentic and being myself.
Thats really how I went into this Bravo experience.
I was just like, Okay, Im just going to be me, and thats it.
That was just a real part of what was going on in my life.
I was actively in that one year of celibacy.
It was an interesting juxtaposition, and I think thats what really also helped be open about it.
Like, Listen, Im not at that point in my life right now.
Im not kissing any of yall.
Thats what it really felt like.
And I dont think that was either of anybodys intention, but its how it felt.
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So many of the women go on to be doing amazing things.
I mean, look at Pamela Anderson.
We know Pamela Anderson fromPlayboy, and shes still kicking ass and setting trends and doing all these things.
We call each other Playmate sisters, and it was such a great group of women.
For me, it was a really empowering platform and a great way to meet a bunch of people.
And it reaches so many people internationally.
I just felt really liberated, honestly, and really uplifted.
It felt really empowering.
I really dont know how else to put it.
I think it turned into something else for other people.
It didnt take away from it though, because I think the good outweighs the bad.
I got so many more positive reactions than negative ones.
That year mark for my celibacy was September 2022.
Ive gone on some dates, Ive hung out with some people, but no one new.
Its always been somebody that Ive known for 10 years or had a previous actual healthy relationship with.
But even then, its just been dry.
I havent gone on one date this entire year of 2023.
That wasnt really conscious.
Ultimately, I want women to know that we can make our own rules.
Its our life to live.
Its our body to share or not.
We dont have to play by everybody elses rules or by what everybody else is thinking about us.
Theyre going to judge us regardless.
If that is celibacy, thats amazing; if its not, great.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
