Welcome to praise kink, a softer, sweeter corner of kink.
The lexicon of praise or worship kink favors Youre so good at that over Choke on it.
Rose Luna, 23, doesnt like being called a filthy slut.
Design by Channing Smith
Its a fine phrase for people who like it!
Just not her thing.
Now, being called a good little slut?
Tell me how pretty I am, Tori, 28, instructs her partners.
Tell me how much you love it, how much you value it.
How Im a queen, how Im a goddess.
How Im just the best thing since sliced bread.
How Im a good girl, that Imyourgirl.
Praise kinks are suddenly everywhere on TikTok and other parts of social media.
Theyre not some new innovationthe praise dynamic is a longtime mainstay ofromance novels.
Its just that, recently, people are bowing down to thiskinky sex idea.
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What is a praise kink?
How do you know whether you have a praise kink or you just like praise?
Many people respond quite well to positive reinforcement and want to avoid criticisms, says Rehor.
Whats special about praise kink is that the recipient may get erotic pleasure from the praise.
These are typically not kinks, unless you have a sexual response to them.
So I want to be celebrated the whole time.
Whats a recent really graphic, erotic example of a praising kink, yo and thank you?
Show us what you’ve got the option to do with that mouth.
Take it in, just like that.
Oh, you love sucking while your friends watch.
Look at me while you choke and finish and swallow for me.
Oh, good girl.
How does praise kink fit into the wider world of kink and BDSM?
Yes, filth and humiliation hold a cherished place in the kingdom of kink.
But they do not represent kinks totality.
Its an intentionally broad definitionthe kink community prides itself on inclusion and on welcoming curiosity.
BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism, Murray explains.
A person with a praise kink is generally considered to be the submissive partner.
When we think of submission, we often think of a humiliation or degradation kink.
The experience isnt just fun, says Remy, its pretty therapeutic.
For me it’s definitely a blend of the two, says Remi.
Why do I have a praise kink?
Did something go wrong in my childhood?
Nothing is wrong with you.
This is anormal sex fantasy.
Every single person has their own story and their own unique erotic map, says Rehor.
Theres not going to be a singular reason why everyone enjoys this (or any) particular kink.
We dont know if one causes the other or if this is just speculative.
Murray urges caution prior to beginning wondering too deeply about whetherkinks are hereditaryor not.
There’s often a myth around these things.
People think that it would have to be associated with a negative experience, particularly a negative childhood experience.
But my dad is very much a part of my life.
For most of us, we like what we like without any underlying reason, says Rehor.
You might like mint chip ice cream, skiing, puppies, crime dramaswhy?
You just do; you were made that way.
Why am I suddenly hearing all about praise kinks?
As is often the case, the answer is: TikTok.
Instagram and Twitter too.
Is having a praise kink normal?
We can each decide what is normal for us.
Theyre not worthy of more disdain, even if they include less cuteness and fewer compliments.
Never forget that Dakota Johnsononce saidBDSM can be very beautiful and chic.
How do I bring this up with a partner?
Lets get you from first awkward Bumble drinks to you being plied with praise.
I just learned about this thing, and I think I might like it.
Do you want to try it?
Murray recommends a couple of ground rules for suggesting anything new in bed.
BDSM requires an ethical standard that rests heavily on consent.
First, pick a neutral time and place to check in and talk.
That way, everyone gets to process and no one feels pressured.
And if all else fails, ask your partner what they want for feel good.
It can really become almost like a game.
It becomes play, says Murray.
It’s, Let’s try something for me and something for you.
Nobody feels like they’re the one who’s really gone out on a limb.
What are common praise kink phrases?
Redditors offered some of their favorites onr/bdsmcommunity:
“Your body is perfect for me.
Youre so good at that.
Im so proud of you.
Youre beautiful when you let go and give into your desires.
Those are such pretty sounds.
I love hearing your voice.
You’re such a good slut for me.
You’re doing so well for me.
You look absolutely perfect.
And: A simple Good girl gets me every time.
Jenny Singer is a contributor atGlamourand former deputy lifestyle editor at the Forward, a historic Jewish publication.
