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Photography by Hannah Whitaker
In the beginning there were bridesmaids.
They were there, like it or not, when Jacob wed two brides in Genesis 29.
(At this point in history, bridesmaids were servants who had little choice in the matter.)
Photography By Hannah Whitaker
They were there in feudal China to guard the brides door from intruders whenmarriage by capturewas common practice.
So what if your father refused to provide a dowry because he doesnt approve of your boyfriend?
In other words, being a bridesmaid has always been an ordeal.
The customs have evolved, but the sacrifices and indignities have been there all along.
Bridesmaid-ing is a full-time fucking job and I have literally no time for it.
Not to mention no money for it.
It doesnt help that the stakes feel friendship-ending high.
Emma and I cycle through her grievances, hitting all the familiar beats.
Because its Memorial Day weekend).
Youre going to the bachelorette party.
Youre going to the bridal shower.
Maybe these are in different states and require hotel rooms or Airbnbs.
Or planes, trains, and automobiles to get there, Ashley says.
Not always are brides very transparent about the scope of work when they ask for a bridesmaid.
And I say scope of work, because it really is work.
Is it time to abolish the bridal party?
Thats the most beautiful Ill ever look in my entire life.
But brides keep popping the question, and bridesmaids keep saying yes more often than not.
Heres how brides can go the extra mile to make their bridal parties feel heard and considered.
Be democratic; use Google Forms.
Talia Moralesbecame a Wedding TikTok thought leader after sharing her thoughtful approach to collaborating with her bridesmaids.
The questionnaire made it easy to collect and archive each bridesmaids availability and preferences for reference later.
Flag major expenses up front.
No hard feelings, Nashville newlywed and music industry marketing exec Laura Hostelley recommends.
That makes it feel more like an optionthey can make the choice with full transparency before they commit.
Communicate what is and isnt important to you.
We have to look inward as a bride, Ashley says.
What matters to me?
Is a big, fun bachelorette in Scottsdale only important to me because Brittany had one in Scottsdale?
Or is it because I want to have one in Scottsdale?
Do a little introspection about what brings you joy, and let those values guide the planning process.
Then its like, who cares?
Nobody wants to wear that.
And I think people mind less.
Outsource if it’s possible for you to afford to do so.
Some brides are even hiring professional bridesmaids.
Take no for an answer.
Tell potential bridesmaids its okay to turn down the job, and mean it.
I think thats so immature.
Build your own traditions.
Remember: Rules were made for breaking.
you could make the dog the best man.
Ive actually had that.
I had a hawk be the ring bearer once.
Dont feel like the traditions have to apply to you.
Create things that work for your friend group and for you.
